Loose Change
Things change, more often than that…People Change.
The title shouldn’t be confusing, if it is let me clear it up. People change, some for the better, some for worse and some you don’t notice, maybe never will…but it is on the inside where they have changed and sometimes they don’t even know it. A change can be anything you want it to be, a physical appearance, a new attitude, a new outlook on life, an addiction, a new job etc…the kind of change I will be referring to in this story is my change, loose change.
I had a traumatic experience when I was a toddler, some say I was too young to remember it, to those people I say…Stop reading this story, because it’s that kind of close minded thinking that puts me in the offensive. This experience I shared with my older brother (3 years older) and my sister (4 years older) with me being the age of 3 or 4 I honestly don’t care. I was taken against my will; I guess it doesn’t technically fit the definition of kidnapping seeing how this man who took us was my step father and a biological parent to my siblings. I was taken from my home in Caldwell Idaho; we were all taken to his house in Utah.
Upon arrival my memory serves me well to the style and layout of the home, a TV. in the living room, a couch, a fireplace and 3 bedrooms, a basement and a bathroom upstairs. This man kept us against our will, but with the blessing of the courts. By no means is this man the type of father who got a “raw deal”. He was a monster, and to this day I yearn for his judgment day with God. My brother and I were his human punching bags, his little “toys” he did with us as he pleased. Many times this meant knocking us around until we couldn’t stand any longer, tears would no longer fall from our eyes due to the lack of proper hydration, hand-cuffs have left a scar as a reminder on my right wrist from when he cuffed me to the bathroom door and was forced to watch him pee, I do not believe I was ever sexually molested, if I was, God has blessed me with the lack of memory of it.
My sister was forced to watch horror movies in the basement, XXX movies, he found this to be comedic and if we refused to take part in any activity he saw fit, well he always had his way with persuasion. Walking in front of the television while George was watching it, should you forget, or dare you would be punched, kicked or by any other means knocked out of the way and reminded not to do so in the future. I reached for some candy that was on the table in the open and because I didn’t ask a got a punch to the mouth and a chipped tooth as a result.
Enough on that story you get the point, my parents came and got us, and we returned home for a belated Christmas celebration. George got off in the judicial sense, he was not punished, but only his visitation rights revoked. After which we enjoyed a glorious life with our dad, Ted Carpenter. This gifted, blessing of a man rescued us and brought us all to Jesus.
We all changed a little from that experience, some more than others, my sister, well she’s a hard one to pin, I think she matured from it and didn’t let it affect her too much. My brother turned into a silent, emotionless boy. I however took the little man syndrome route, I was always small, and I was always bullied. I grew with the intention of joining the military so one day I would have the skills and the mindset to end the life of anyone threatening me or my family ever again. Sure serving my country was a plus, but I will not lie to you, I joined to defend myself, my name, my honor and my family. I would never use my “skills” to end this monsters life, though the thought frequently visited me as an adolescent. “Judgment is mine” sayeth the lord.
I joined the marine corps at 18, I was assigned to 2/4 fox company out of camp Pendleton California, where I met a lifelong friend Andrew W. Martinson. Without this man in my life, now and then, I don’t know where I’d be. God certainly places people in your life at the right times, and definitely for the right reasons. “Marty” has taught me a lot about life, god and relationships, he is a man and a friend, which all men should want to be. He is a man of virtue, a man of courage, strength, morals and ethically sound. He is without a doubt, my best friend.
I fought alongside Marty in the same platoon, furthermore the same Squad. I was a M249 SAW gunner, and he was a M16 rifleman, he was my angel on my shoulder, or at least always a few meters from my shoulder. He kept me warm on cold Iraqi concrete floors in the brim winter, he shared anything he had if you needed it, whether you asked for it or not, he has a sense of knowing what someone’s heart desires. He was dubbed the Godfather, Marty was the men to go to if you were in need, and he was always willing to provide.
We fought, we killed, we labored and most of all we lived next to each other for those grueling 10 months. We came home and he was still there for me, gave me a shoulder to cry on, he was there to light my cigarettes, he was there to listen and to pound a little common sense into me at times. Should Marty ever read this, I hope he should know that I hold him in the highest regards, he is my hero.
While I was in Iraq, I recall a phone call with my sister, I won’t recount the conversation in its entirety but what I am bringing from it is this; she asked me “Why my little brother, why him, I want my little baby brother back”. For those who don’t know, for those who have had this mindset, if you are unwilling to accept that that sibling of yours you remember from “yesteryear” let it go, they’re not coming back, they’re not going to be the same, and in my case, baby brother Alex is gone forever. I’m not disgruntled in the least by this, I am who I am because of what I have done and experienced, I am shaped by the people I’ve been around, by the things I’ve witnessed, from the life I have lived in which most cases that majority of the worlds populous will never have lived. I am proud to be the man I am today, I am proud to be the son, the brother, the cousin, the nephew, the friend, the husband and father that I am today.
I was trained to do what some view as barbaric, violent, out of the ordinary. I lived in places that would rate the title of condemned, structures that were rigged to blow, I’ve been colder than I had ever been in my entire life, I had been hungrier, thirstier and more tired than I have ever imagined, and besides my best friends, my fellow marines and corpsman, God brought me out of it all, carried me out alive and forever changed the way I live my life.
I have a very large appreciation for this life, and what I have afforded to me by being an American citizen, food is never more than a minute drive, I have electricity at all times, I have a phone where I can call my family at anytime day or night, I have the ability to sleep in a bed, or a couch should I so desire, point being, I have all of these amenities that so much of the world goes without. I am very thankful for these things, but I can live without them, I say I can only because I have, can you say the same thing? I am not by any means trying to boast myself above you or anyone else, all I am trying to do is for you to try to just imagine a life without, a life where you would have to walk 5 miles to go get your families water supply for the week, and you could only use for that week, what you could carry on your back, head and in your hands, could you live a life where you wait urgently for the power to come back on for a short while so you can cook your family a meal to eat, could you live a life where you slept on the floor day in and day out and you could be thankful for the sleeping mat underneath your body separating you from the heat sucking, cold concrete floor? Could you shut the internet off? Could you turn your cable TV off? Could you go 32 days without a shower and without changing your clothes? How many days could you go without food? How many days, months or years could you go without?
This is not an anti-war, liberal message, this is a message sent to the hearts of those that would take the time to read this far, and a little further to have a change of heart, a renewing of the mind. This is a call to my family, my friends to those I have never met to change your ways of thinking, to turn down the selfish lifestyle, I want to make you think of what you do to someone when you judge them, when you belittle them, what you do when you say nothing at all but you think it, when you think those thoughts you do it in your heart and though you may not think anyone heard you, God did, and at the very least you know you heard it. God calls us to be like him, though this is not 100% possible we are called to be messengers of his word, we are to act as if, act as if Jesus himself was witness to everything and to our eyes we could see him there in a physical sense, well guess what…he is there, and he does hear and he does see what no other ears can hear and what no other eyes can see. Am I perfect? No. Have I struggled? Yes. Do I struggle? Yes. Am I the best Christian I can be and that I am calling people to be, and that we are all called to be? No. but here is the kicker…do I want to be? YES! Will I try with a true heart? YES, YES and YES! Will you not? This life is short my friends, and like I was told in Iraq, there is no such thing as an atheist in a firefight, well I’m here to say that for me, every day is a firefight, not just for me, for us all. Are we not at a constant war?
Think about the things you subject yourself on a day to day basis, think about what you watch, what you listen to, what you read, who you socialize with. We are constantly faced with battles, and if we do not stand and fight to be the followers of God we are called to be, we will be suppressed down by the constant barrage of attacks, I for one refuse to be backed into a corner, the best part of this life, is we are never alone. This life is not easy, and it was never guaranteed to be that way, but we are told that there is nothing that god will put in our path, that through him, we cannot overcome.
To be continued my friends.
